Saddest Clickbank Product on Earth

Advice

Use Clickbank only for appropriate infoproducts.

Why?

Clickbank offers the world’s most salacious infoproducts - Get Rich Now, Grow a Bigger Penis, Make Your Own Dog Food.  But this e-book looks like it accidentally dropped here from space.

Now, for the hottest ebook on the Planet…

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lattice Nested Hydreno (LNH) Atomic Model

Secrets of Nuclear and Atomic Structure Deciphered

On this sizzling HOT sale page you find that, “Contrary to the assertions of Bohr and Rutherform, it is intuitively obvious that the structure and geometry of the nucleus must…”

 Wait.  Can’t tell you the rest.  You’ll have to buy the book.  This is an academic author who, misguidedly, thought that Clickbank was a good place to distribute the book.  Sure, and a whorehouse is a great place to distribute religious tracts, too.

Crappy AdWords Campaign from Corporate Meatheads

Advice

Watch your outsourced PPC campaigns like a hawk!  Especially corporations.

Why?

 It never ceases to amaze me how pay per click ad campaigns from giant multinational corporations can be so bad.

Why is this?  I think that PPC is their lowest priority, frankly.  At the top of the list are TV, radio, and print campaigns — and then they give the PPC side to the college intern.  Or they outsource to a fancy PPC management that could care less. 

Look bravely at this Google AdWords campaign from Kodak, which should know better.  Wouldn’t they have enough money to run a PPC campaign correctly?  I believe that “too much money” is the problem.  From ad copy to landing page to conversion mechanism - it’s all wrong. 

I’m looking for a physical object, a piece of equipment called a Slide to Digital Picture Converter.  But Kodak’s ad advertises conversion services.  And line #3 tells users to “Call Us.”  Call?  Why?  I’m online, I want text-based online answers.

So here’s what to do:  Align keywords with product.  Redesign the landing page so that it mates with the user’s query.  Give landing page more punch–more graphic variation with headers, etc.   It’s not rocket science.  It’s just AdWords 101,.

Lamebrained Visitor Calls Out Marketer

Advice

Some online marketers just need to go underground.

Why?

  Top Consumer Reviews is a “review site” that hawks affilitate products.  As review sites go, it’s not all bad.  Are visitors so braindead that they cannot figure out that the sites they are viewing are “passthroughs” to merchant product?

 

In my wildest imagination, I think:  1.) Guy sees Medifast offer on TopConsumerReviews.com.  “Only $275 per month.”  2.)  Guy uses Medifast; guy doesn’t lose weight.  3.)  Guy sees Better Business Bureau trustmark on TCR’s site.  4.)  Guy tattle-tales to Kansas-region BBB.   BBB mediates complaint, and, 5.)  Guy gets complaint “resolved” with TCR.

TopConsumerReviews.com is an affiliate marketer.  I get it, you get it, everyone gets it.  Insult on top of injury, the owner of TopConsumerReviews.com had to answer to one of the more nefarious, diabolical, self-serving, and wicked organizations of all - the Better Business Bureau.

So why do we say “go underground?”  Seriously, guys…  To run this kind of site, pushing these kinds of products, you must get anonymous.  Either raise the site to a hugely reputable level so you can put your name on it.  Or, push it further underground and avoid debacles like this again.

Clueless! Build a Niche Link

Advice

Make your online marketing campaign your own - don’t give it up some someone else.

Why?

Close your eyes.  This one is ugly.  Millions of Xbox 360s have a manufacturing defect.  3 red lights mean - Game Over - no more Call of Duty 3 for you.

Online marketers have taken it upon themselves to put together ebooks and video tutorials telling Xbox 360 owners how to open up their boxes and…fix them.  Never mind that Xbox 360s are manufactured in sterile environments with welds that are inspected by x-ray.  But that’s not the point.  The point is:  search for “xbox 360 red lights” in Google…

You get columns and columns of Google AdWords ads all selling solutions to the 3 red light problem.  Never mind the complete uniformity of this, though.  We’re pressing ahead to another point…

What the heck is this?  Build a Niche Link?  And why, uh…  Why would you display anything but a dead-on relevant landing page for such an aggressive marketing campaign?

My head hurts.  I can’t look at this too long.  Something about a company called Build a Niche Link that lets you throw up landing pages real quick (”throw up” has a double meaning here) and populate them with products.  A cheap and ugly version of Build a Niche Store?

But my head hurts.  I’ve got this Axert migraine prescription sample that my doctor gave me, I may have to take while looking at this.

Problem is that it ties the Google AdWords ad to that crappy buildanichelink.com domain.  Make your own pages.  If you have to have it, at least replace that header with a .jpg of some bogus name you made up in fifteen seconds, like, “The Official Xbox 360 Red Lights Research Center.”